Twinny

She is my alternate other half.
I'd do anything for that girl
She's the prettier, louder, funkier side of us.
The 1 who ppl notice first.
She walked on the wide side enough for the both of us.

All our life i have looked out for her, fiercely protective of her,
covered for her, got her out of trouble.

She did the same for me, always.

i remember when my engagement with ex-fiance broke, i was blamed alot, from both families.
i kept that guilt locked in me for years, felt guilty for breaking up our families,
for causing a so called 'fued' between us.
Twinny understood,
she was there for all those many nights i tried to cry silently.
she knew the cost, and how it changed me.

i love her.

It took years for me to get back on my feet, focus on my career and start again.

When I got engaged to Hubby, Twinny along with my other sisters were so happy for me.

Just before I got married, she came up to our bedroom that we shared (LOVED our room, huge, matching beds, shelves laden with jewellery and knick knacks, funky pictures everywhere...).
She handed me a small navy coloured box
'whats this??'' i grinned excitedly at her.
'just a little something for u'' she urged me to open it.

Opening it, i saw nestled inside the box a large beautifully cut crystal heart,
holding it closer, i saw it had inscribed ''You'll always be my other half'' on the centre of the heart.

That just did it.
I bawled into tears and hugged her like never before.

It sits pride of place in our master bedroom, centre of a shelf where I glimpse it every day.
It comforts me.
 
She means the world to me.

She gets on with my Hubby like a house on fire.
Always popping over, cdraping herself over the sofa, demanding food, making a mess.

I Wouldnt have it any other way.

When she got married last year, i felt she finally became a grown up.
Her, married?? I never thought i would see that day.
She was always the career woman, said she didnt want to start a family until she had gotten where she wanted to.

She fell pregnant soon after her marriage.

She told my sisters and mum  before me.

That was a blow to me.
I always told her everything first.

They were wary of telling me the news,
aware that i was an emotional rollercoaster, frustrated, stressed, desperate to be a mum.

She rang me that evening when i had just walked into my home after a long tiring day at work.

No hi, how was your day. Just ''Can you come over?'' she asked me quietly.
I froze, twinny never speaks quietly, panic and fear took over me,
''whats wrong?? tell me'' i demanded into the phone. She tried to laugh and said pls just come over.

Hubby had just walkd in from work at that moment, i grabbed my coat again and ran out the door with him calling out after me wanting to know where i'd gone, i flew up the garden path and to the car waving bye.

I drove like a manic to my twins flat terrified that something was wrong.

Rapping repeatedly on her door she answers smiling. I look at her quizzically and she drags me to her bedroom.
''Fking hell tell me what the hell's the matter!'' i demanded.
She smiles at me and says she wanted to tell me something to her face, not over the phone.
I listened wondering what on earth she wanted to tell me.

She holds my hand and smiles at me, looking serene, ive never seen her like that.
She tells me she is pregnant. She said the others all know, but she didnt know how quite to tell me in fear of upsetting me.

Crying happy tears, i hug her and clasp her hands, telling her off for not telling me first.
It hurts that they all thought id let me own circumstances get in the way of my own twin having a child.

Crying and choking my words out ''The child will be half of me anyway, as we're half of each other silly, and thats more than enough for me'' she cries too and hugs me.
We sit there talking excitedly about the future, and i tell her profusely that i am over the moon for her, and that she would make a brilliant mum.

and i am so very happy.
Its her time, her moment.
She is my other half, what kind of person did they all think of me that I couldnt be happy for her?

I am elated, but secretly i am devastated that my time has not come yet,
but my own grief and unhappiness is completley separate from my happiness for her.

Driving home i had tears coursing down my face, I don't know if theyre happy tears or sad ones, I feel like a mixed bag, confused, happy, sad.  i turned the volume up and drove slowly home to Hubby.

He is waiting anxiously for me by the front window. I run down the garden path into his arms, he knows already and strokes my hair, wipes away my tears and whispers to me to never give up hope.

I look up at him, mascara streaked face and all and simply say ''she's my other half, I am so happy''

He grins sadly, wipes the tears that keep coming ''That's ok then, happy tears i can deal with'' and kisses me.

Over the next few months I ring twinny constantly making sure shes sleeping right, eating right, looking after herself, i cook double of everything and drop food off to her a few times a week.

I can't help but grin at her, she is blooming, 'pregnancy suits her so much '  i always thought to myself.

Baby boy popped out into this world 7 weeks earlier than expected.
Into the arms of a newly married couple, waiting to shower love on him,

I cried at the birth,
hands down the most amazing experience of my life,
the pain, the endurance, the strength, the joy...i dont think i can ever forget that, it will stay with me forever.

Baby boy filled me with feelings i never felt before. Even more different to how i felt with all my other neices and nephews. Wait, that sounds bad, but i don't mean it like that.

He looks at me with understanding, its like he knows me.

I cannot ever get enough of him